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The Lazy Stalker
6th, May 2008 | 08:20 pm
mood: 
sick
I asked someone ("someone") if I should start a Livejournal, and that someone said, quote, "No, for your soul will thus be forsaken in this hideous compact with the dark powers."
That may be true, but I was told the same thing about Facebook, and when I joined nothing unusual or satanic happened except that the milk went off even though the fridge was working.
The reason I was given for LiveJournal being a den of evil (and from the description I was given I fully expected my computer to explode into a cloud of shrieking bats when I logged on) was that it was a stalker's tool, used by stalkers to stalk people in a stalkerly fashion.
Which makes me think, that with all these Social Networks and growing like insipid mushrooms across the damp corners of the internet, we are going to create a generation of lazy and uncreative stalkers.
No longer must the intrepid stalker use his wit and ingenuity to skulk in the shadows after his object of insane obsession. He need not follow his target around her daily business, or ring people up anonymously to extract personal information, nor need he make the simple effort required to set up a cosy deckchair under the window of his beloved, ever watchful for a brief glimpse of vague, shapely curves through the curtains.
No, the stalker needs only extend and contract his index finger now to go about his work, stroking his mouse, while his other hand sits idle or is otherwise engaged. From the comfort of his own home he can explore the myriad details of his significant and unsuspecting other's daily affairs - what events she is attending, what her favourite books are, how totally smashed she got on Monday night (she, like, got like totally smashed, totally). There are even helpfully tagged and referenced photo galleries to explore. Today's stalker is a slovenly fellow who needs not expend one ounce of energy on the true aspects of the gentlemanly sport of stalking!
Well, this simply won't do. At this rate, the fine craft of stalking will be buried by the internet, much like the English language or non-lolcat related humour. What other madness lies in store? Soon will there be instructional youtube videos on how you should be stalked? Or, heaven forbid, will people come pre-stalked, ready to be consumed like greasy processed cheese?
Please, give the once noble stalker some respect! Give him some meaning to his life, release him from the mind numbing ease with which he can track every little change in your compulsively interesting lives! We must save the lazy stalker, he is sad, and so very lonely.
That may be true, but I was told the same thing about Facebook, and when I joined nothing unusual or satanic happened except that the milk went off even though the fridge was working.
The reason I was given for LiveJournal being a den of evil (and from the description I was given I fully expected my computer to explode into a cloud of shrieking bats when I logged on) was that it was a stalker's tool, used by stalkers to stalk people in a stalkerly fashion.
Which makes me think, that with all these Social Networks and growing like insipid mushrooms across the damp corners of the internet, we are going to create a generation of lazy and uncreative stalkers.
No longer must the intrepid stalker use his wit and ingenuity to skulk in the shadows after his object of insane obsession. He need not follow his target around her daily business, or ring people up anonymously to extract personal information, nor need he make the simple effort required to set up a cosy deckchair under the window of his beloved, ever watchful for a brief glimpse of vague, shapely curves through the curtains.
No, the stalker needs only extend and contract his index finger now to go about his work, stroking his mouse, while his other hand sits idle or is otherwise engaged. From the comfort of his own home he can explore the myriad details of his significant and unsuspecting other's daily affairs - what events she is attending, what her favourite books are, how totally smashed she got on Monday night (she, like, got like totally smashed, totally). There are even helpfully tagged and referenced photo galleries to explore. Today's stalker is a slovenly fellow who needs not expend one ounce of energy on the true aspects of the gentlemanly sport of stalking!
Well, this simply won't do. At this rate, the fine craft of stalking will be buried by the internet, much like the English language or non-lolcat related humour. What other madness lies in store? Soon will there be instructional youtube videos on how you should be stalked? Or, heaven forbid, will people come pre-stalked, ready to be consumed like greasy processed cheese?
Please, give the once noble stalker some respect! Give him some meaning to his life, release him from the mind numbing ease with which he can track every little change in your compulsively interesting lives! We must save the lazy stalker, he is sad, and so very lonely.